Trauma Waits for No One

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“If it was traumatizing to you, it was traumatizing.” — Emily Joy Allison 

It never waits till we’re ready. It never cares when it’s convenient. It simply comes when it comes, and we can either face it or run away from it. But one way or another, trauma will make itself known.

Most (if not all) of us have trauma from something or someone. But the trauma that’s hardest to recognize and sometimes the hardest to believe is the trauma inflicted by religion or by those who claim to represent God. In fact, it’s common to not know until years later that what we went through was not okay, thanks to all the gaslighting, spiritual bypassing, and rationalizing of abusive behavior that is baked into many religious practices. And realizing that someone we trusted or a doctrine we once held dear could hurt us so deeply can feel like we’re being re-traumatized all over again. 

Sorting through and making sense of the layers of pain can take years. It’s not a linear process, and it can feel like we take one step forward and seven steps back. Or it can seem like unearthing one trauma only reveals a myriad of others hidden beneath it. So it can make us want to give up. In fact, there are many people who will do anything to not face their trauma simply because it will be too painful, too much to handle, too hard to admit that that person or place or event wasn’t what they thought. But what awaits each of us at the end of the healing process is a healthier self, a self that is no longer defined by pain and disappointment—a self that is ours, not what others twisted it into. 

So when your trauma makes itself known, dive in. Contrary to what you may have been led to believe, God won’t be disappointed in you if you never get to where others think you should be. You aren’t somehow doubting God or hurting the Church by standing up for yourself and your wholeness. And you aren’t causing problems by telling your story and holding others accountable for their actions; you are rooting out the problem by doing so. 

May we all have the courage to join you.

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But there is a difference between the
hard, necessary work
of surviving the blow,
and the hard, necessary work
of coming alive.

“Adamas” by Marie Thearose