4 Ways You May Have Been Spiritually Abused

If you grew up in a conservative evangelical church and/or household, it’s quite possible you experienced spiritual abuse, even if it was unintended. Why? Because, sadly, conservative evangelical fundamentalism is built on and perpetuated through spiritual abuse, that is, “us[ing] religious texts or beliefs to coerce, control, manipulate, or abuse someone knowingly or unknowingly.” Sound familiar?

What’s more, spiritual abuse often involves the use of institutional structures/hierarchy and religious language to exercise authority over another person. Think: purity culture, the submission of women, the exclusion of LGBTQIA+ individuals, tithing, volunteering, the lack of accountability for pastors, etc. Therapist Sheri Heller sees spiritual abuse as a form of Stockholm syndrome, whereby we attach ourselves to an abusive God in order to win his approval. 

Unfortunately, all these micro-expressions of abuse can be traced back to four defining characteristics of evangelical fundamentalism. And every one of them is rooted in fear. 

1. Self-Loathing and Shame

Entire theologies were invented to breed self-hatred and shame, none more damaging than Augustine’s invention of original sin and John Calvin’s notion of total depravity. This fall/redemption theology goes something like this: You were born evil, conceived in sin, and the entire world is a fallen, dangerous place. According to the Southern Baptist Convention’s Faith and Message 2000, “As soon as [human beings] are capable of moral action, they become transgressors and are under condemnation.” No wonder many of us hate ourselves and our bodies. Your church’s treatment and understanding of you becomes the lens through which you see yourself. Original sin is the original fixed mindset. A sinful nature was what we were given at birth, so many of us spend the rest of our lives living into that prophecy, creating a life of self-degradation and sabotage. And by the way, if you are totally depraved, you are easier to control. 

2. The Threat of Eternal Damnation 

If you were raised to believe in a literal hell, you’ve experienced spiritual abuse. The belief in hell consists of an unacceptable ideology about God and the afterlife, namely that, at the end of your life, if you did not appease the wrath of an angry God, He would throw you into a lake of burning fire. Moreover, this belief is often accompanied by the idea that you can spend your entire life trying to measure up only to miss the mark in the end. And this, in simple terms, is the very definition of trauma. Dr. Marlene Winell warns, “The doctrines of original sin and eternal damnation cause the most psychological distress by creating the ultimate double bind. You are guilty and responsible, and face eternal punishment. Yet you have no ability to do anything about it.”

3. Purity Culture 

Hiding behind the false moniker of “biblical sexuality,” purity culture is the sexual worldview developed by conservative evangelicals to monitor and control sexual activity, especially pre-marital sexual activity. Teaching ardent abstinence, it discouraged dating and promoted virginity at all costs. The movement was skeptical of sexual education, and malformed an entire generation of young evangelicals to mistrust their bodies and deny their natural sexuality. Combined with an emphasis on female submission and male headship, purity culture became the breeding ground for rape culture. These teaching caused an entire generation of evangelicals to grow up believing sex was dirty and to be hidden, further dissociating themselves not only from their developing bodies, but from their sexuality as a whole. 

4. Patriarchal Authority Structures 

Patriarchy, male-dominated leadership, and female submission are one of the main causes of systemic religious trauma. When men are “ordained by God” to not only be the head of the Church but also the head of the home, it creates the social and spiritual structures for institutional and personal abuse. Women become the passive recipients of male domination, as well as second-class citizens, leaving them vulnerable to abuse. This kind of abusive theology led Paige Patterson, former president of Southeastern Theological Seminary, to encourage women to forgive their rapists and to stay with abusive husbands. And in a 2009 interview, popular reformed theologian John Piper even demanded that wives should “endure abuse for a season” as part of their obedience to their husbands. The message is clear: Men are in charge, women submit. If men are ordained by God to have authority over women in the church and home, then there really is no limit to the abuse they can cause to your mind and body.

Most toxic churches, organizations, or families aren’t abusive in spite of their theology, but because of it. If you need help leaving these spaces, or if you simply want to know more about how to protect yourself and others from spiritual abuse and the subsequent religious trauma, check out our related articles below, as well as our podcast episode featuring Jessica Hugenberg, a religious trauma therapist.