Wandering in the Wilderness: When Faith Deconstruction Feels Like Getting Lost

Note: This was originally published in our bi-weekly e-newsletter, Liminal Spaces. To get future issues delivered to your inbox (and get our ebook for free!), sign up here.

Whether you’re just starting on the faith deconstruction journey or have been at this a while, it can feel like a kind of spiritual wilderness, a no man’s land filled with uncertainty, mystery, and struggle. The path takes sojourners from the known to the unknown, from order to disorder. Thus, it requires extreme bravery (and a thick skin) to set out. Others’ objections—“That’s a spirit of rebellion you need to repent of,” or “What sin are you trying to get away with?”—will follow you, betraying their fear and a complete lack of understanding. None of us “deconstructionists” do this for fun; we do it because we must. We are being wooed into the wilderness by a still, small voice beckoning us toward truth, beauty, goodness, and love. 

“The journey into wilderness reminds us that we are alone and not alone. We are neither where we have been nor where we are going. There is danger and possibility; risk and promise,” warns Reverend Sarah York. More than simply a geographic location, wilderness as spiritual motif provides a vital window into our true selves. It strips away identity, ego, control, safety, and security so we can finally glimpse the face of God. 

All the great religions of the world set some of their most transformational spiritual experiences in the wilderness. The Buddha left his life of luxury and entered the wilderness in search of Nirvana. The prophet Muhammad retreated into the wilderness for spiritual renewal. The great Hindu leaders incorporated a time of ‘theosis’ in the desert. Mark’s Gospel tells us Jesus was driven into the desert immediately after his baptism. For him, this sacred space was a proving ground, revealing his deepest identity and inspiring his path of spiritual awakening. For most spiritual seekers, the wilderness is, symbolically speaking, the site of flight and separation, a needed stage between the start of a journey and the destination. So, if you feel compelled to leave the pews and set out on your journey of spiritual renewal, just know the road winds through the wilderness. But take heart, you’ll be in good company.

Everyone’s deconstruction journey will be different and, more often than not, unchosen (it’s a rare person indeed who seeks out suffering and spiritual disorientation en route to God). But keep going. No matter how wild, uncharted, and lonely it feels, there are many of us, past and present, who are finding a dogma-, abuse-, shame-, and fear-free way back to God. However you get there, don’t give up. Just keep going. Keep seeking. Sometimes all it takes is to get lost enough to let yourself listen.

September Sabbatical

We love producing Liminal Spaces each month. But as we also navigate this wilderness and try to live balanced lives, we need time for rest, reflection, plotting, and dreaming. So we will be taking a break to do just that, and the next issue of Liminal Spaces will hit your inbox on October 12. We hope you can join us in caring for your soul and finding time to rest and recharge. We will see you back here then! 

What We’re Reading, Listening To, Watching

Melanie

• Reading: A Short History of Christian Zionism: From the Reformation to the Twenty-First Century by Donald M. Lewis

• Listening to: The Martian by Andy Weir

Gary Alan

• Reading: Inner Christianity by Richard Smoley

• Watching: Snatch (Prime)