Ep. 4: Unholy Trinity: Purity Part 2
Show Notes
Episode Summary
Examining specific aspects of “Purity Culture” and what their effects were, Melanie and Gary Alan draw both on personal experience and listeners’ stories to give an honest critique of the methods adopted by many ministries and churches to keep young people from engaging in any sexual activity before marriage. They also highlight the lies hidden in plain site within the purity culture movement, offering some ideas for how to move forward. If you were harmed or objectified by purity culture, this episode is for you.
Quotables
“What purity culture ultimately did was tie women’s worth and identity to their status as virgins.” (tweet this)
“Purity culture is actually sexual victim culture for guys because we are allowed to be as base as possible, while girls were supposed to and expected to be the guardians of everything sexual.” (tweet this)
“We all need to ask forgiveness for creating purity culture and for putting that burden on hundreds of thousands of girls.” (tweet this)
“Purity culture fosters a culture that automatically distrusts women because of their sexuality. It paints them as temptresses who have all this power to destroy a man’s life.” (tweet this)
“Secrecy and shame and fear only breed more secrecy and shame and fear.” (tweet this)
“If there is a theology that is harming you, you have every right to resist.” (tweet this)
“Whatever we replace purity culture with has to be nuanced because there are no black and white answers to this.” (tweet this)
“Maybe we start rebuilding our understanding of sexuality through a new reverence for our bodies.” (tweet this)
“Maybe we need to remove ‘virgin’ from our vocabulary.” (tweet this)
Timestamps and References
[07:40] and [11:10]—“The Second Look Is Sinning” episode of Dirty Rotten Church Kids podcast
[11:37]—Some of Gary Alan’s story
[12:20]—Melanie’s story
[17:11]—Passion and Purity: Learning to Bring Your Love Life Under Christ’s Control by Elisabeth Elliot (read this for an understanding of the messages taught by purity culture)
[17:16]—Not Even a Hint by Joshua Harris (later renamed to Sex Isn’t the Problem, Lust Is; read this for an understanding of the messages taught by purity culture)
[28:27]—The Ripper on Netflix
[31:00]—Discussion of purity culture stigmatizing discussion of sex
[33:40]— “Sex in Public: Toward a Christian Ethic of Sex” by Stanley Hauerwas
[34:52]—“I Am Damaged Goods” by Sarah Bessey
[35:13]—Discussion of purity culture and its impacts on LGBTQI+ teens
[39:35]—The Woman Caught in Adultery (John 8:1-11)
[49:37]—From The Silent Life by Thomas Merton: “The impure heart of fallen man is not merely a heart subject to carnal passion. Purity and impurity in this context mean something more than chastity. The impure heart is a heart filled with fears, anxieties, conflicts, doubts, ambivalences, hesitations, self-contradictions, hatreds, jealousies, compulsive needs, and passionate attachments.” Also: “The great enemy of purity of heart is, then, the basic hidden project to be better than everybody else, to exalt one’s own will over the wills of others.”
[53:30]—Ephesians 5:8-14
[55:00]—“Faith Adjacent: Purity Culture” episode of The Bible Binge podcast
[57:03]—From An Altar in the World by Barbara Brown Taylor: “One of the truer things about bodies is that it is just about impossible to increase the reverence I show mine without also increasing the reverence I show yours.”
[58:10]—From “Sex in Public: Toward a Christian Ethic of Sex” by Stanley Hauerwas: “Christianity is the practice of having one’s body shaped, one’s habits formed in such a way that the worship of God is unavoidable.”
Helpful Resources for Your Personal Research
Where Do We Go From Here? podcast, especially “2: Is Purity the Word the Bible Uses to Talk about Sex?” and “3: What Chewed Up Gum Has to Do with Sex”
Can I Say This at Church? podcast
“7 Lies That Purity Culture Teaches Women” by Natalie Collins
@talkpuritytome (Instagram)
@cindywangbrandt (Twitter) or @cindybrandt (Instagram) and her Parenting after Purity Culture online conference (Feb. 1-2, 2021)
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Credits
This episode was written by Gary Alan Taylor and Melanie Mudge (read their bios here) and produced by The Sophia Society.
Music is by Faith in Foxholes, and sound levels were mixed by Joshua Mudge.
